Journaling has become the holy grail within the self development world. Not to mention daily movement and working out as a first step to get out of depression! For years, both of these habits (and more) were wrecking my recovery and kept me in a constant burnout loop. In this post I’ll explain what and why, so you can make your own informed decisions when you decide what’s healthy for you in this season of life.
What’s a healthy habit anyways?
There are certain habits and behaviors we’re told over and over again are super important for our well-being. Truth to be told; there’s no one size fits all, not even in this area. While most people benefit from, say, having a consistent workout routine, others experience such major setbacks and/or mindset blocks that this same “healthy habit” actually becomes just another part of life that overwhelms and destroys.
Following is a list of the seemingly healthy habits I myself have desperately been trying to hold on to for way too many years, that I should’ve dropped much sooner knowing what I know now. This post is not intended to be a list of habits for you to stop – rather, it’s an invitation to take inventory of your own life and actually looks into what’s working for you. When you finally start to truly heal your body, you’ll realize the right time and space to pick that healthy habit back up again – and actually reap the benefits from it!
Journaling
Not one single habit on this list is something that I’ve dropped willingly. Either I’ve been forced to stop by my own body, or I’ve made a conscious decision – constantly asking myself if I’m doing the right thing. Journaling is one habit that I’ve kept for years, and it’s been the catalyst for releasing many of these healthy-but-not-healthy habits.
The thing that kept happening though, was that journaling kept me in a dopamine loop of dreaming of and planning for the future. While it did lead to some realizations and actions, most of it just became a game of procrastination, because planning was way less scary than taking the first actual step towards that goal.
While I was in the middle of it, I could only see the benefits. Also, it made me feel cozy inside! I thought I needed it to grow, to get better. Turns out, I didn’t need to get “better” – what I needed was to get back to my roots and start listening to what my body was telling (screaming at) me. It wasn’t until I was forced to stop writing, that I realized what had been so destructive for me. I didn’t need to plan every detail of my life, not even in the form of creating dreamy goals and action steps.
I needed to let life guide me. I needed to detach from all possible outcomes, and just focus on the work. Magic happens when you realize that all you can do is the work. Because you only have a finite amount of time and energy for that work, you have to make the work suit you. Your not designing your life top-down anymore, cramming in all of these action steps and habits into a full schedule because you think the goal requires it. Instead, you’re letting your own life create a future that you thrive in. That future is loosely based on your vision of the goal, but more so shaped by the sustainable decisions you make every day.
Now, I’m back to journaling again, but only after I made the realization of what was destroying me. I don’t do it every day, and I make sure to not fall into the planning trap. I might write out some emotions to understand what’s happening, or figure out what my current overwhelm stems from – and then I move on. This new way of journaling leads me right into immediate action, and if I one day will find myself clutching the pen (actually it’s the keyboard for me this time around) for too long, I’ll know I’ve fallen into the trap again and need to crawl back out.
Workouts
Working out has been a huge part of my life and part of my identity since my 20’s. It was an identity that was crumbling like an old slice of bread, that I desperately tried to hold on to. I became a personal trainer, I got involved in body building, and I loved seeing the results from consistent effort. But there were other issues holding me back that I didn’t want to see – I was building my dream and nothing was going to stop me!
The fitness interest became an obsession when my mental health started declining, and soon enough the increased heart beat and muscle fatigue would give me anxiety attacks. Still, I held on to that ideal that wasn’t working for me. I just couldn’t let go of the identity of being someone fit and healthy. Even going for a walk would turn into this competition of not losing the streak and becoming faster, stronger.
I’m still not back, especially not now since going through a rough pregnancy and just thinking about standing up some days will make my feet want to fall off from the pain. This is also going to be a tough one as soon as I’m ready to start introducing more movement again. I’m already building up a strategy to keep my mind in check for when the time comes – because I know that if I go too hard in, my body will veto the effort.
Hearing the same advice over and over again that we should do physical activities to get out of depression makes me roll my eyes. Everything can be connected to our subconscious minds in weird ways we cannot predict, so we shouldn’t assume that there’s one one-size-fits-all solution to anything in life. This is my example of the exception to the rule.
Continuing to work during depression/burnout
At least here in Sweden, this seems to be the common consensus when it comes to dealing with mental health patients in the health care system. Continuing going to work, at least at some percentage, is assumed to provide a sense of connection, belonging, and purpose. I’m sure that idea comes from a good place and has helped many struggling souls, but it’s definitely not one for me. Unfortunately, it can also be hard or sometimes seemingly impossible to advocate for the opposite when the doctor’s opinion is the difference between having a (reduced) income or losing your job.
Call me an outlier, but I’ve never felt that kind of meaning and purpose from any employment I’ve had over the years. What I have felt, though, is the growing internal pressure from having to perform every day. Being neurodivergent, all the small things happening throughout a normal work day; like making a phone call or going to the lunch room, builds up to a mountain of anxiety ready to burst at any time during “low” periods in life. In other words, it’s creating the exact opposite situation to the space for recovery as it was intended.
A period of full rest, along with support to instigate the mindset shifts needing to happen to also experience that rest, would be the best option. Not just for me, but for many people in the same situation. If this is you right now, have a look into what you actually need in order to come back, and think about ways you can implement at least some steps toward the right direction.
Eating only “clean” food
I’ve always struggled with my stomach. I have some uncommon food allergies, and will react to new ingredients all of the time. Another month those same ingredients just happen to work perfectly fine again. Also heavily invested in the fitness and health industry, trying to eat as “clean” as possible is a no-brainer.
Turns out, it was the underlying stress that created most of my digestive issues. Getting rid of the stress also meant getting rid of a myriad of pains and annoyances that was triggered by the food.
Of course it’s good to eat clean and to adhere to (not “stick to“, because we’re not obsessing anymore, remember?) a diet that suits your body – but what matters even more is having a relaxed mindset concerning food. Being controlling and having to stick to the perfect diet will only create more of that same stress that’s causing the issues in the first place.
It’s not the end of the world to buy freezer meals, and if that freezer meal is going to facilitate you having a calm evening for recovery – even better!
Reading or listening to self-help advice
Let me spill you the secret right away:
The trick doesn’t lie in the “perfect formula”. The trick lies in keeping a growth mindset (which you know you already have if you’re interested in this genre), staying true to yourself (that means you also have to figure out who you are/want to be, and no self-help book will ever be able to tell you that), and not beating down on yourself for every little thing (we fail, we get up, we move on).
At some point you have to realize that you are good as you are. Until you get to that point, no amount of information you consume will ever make you feel whole and fulfilled. This also ties in with the procrastination point I made for journaling. Dreaming about another life won’t get you there, but it’s the perfect dopamine rush to keep you reading and buying into that dream. Doing the work won’t be as addicting in the beginning, but when you finally make the shift and start living your own life – life will become addictive in and of itself.
You don’t need to change. You need you.
Non-toxic and low-waste lifestyle
Kind of the same as with the health-obsessing. It’s just so overwhelming, we have enough to deal with right now!
Having a non-toxic and low-waste lifestyle is a great goal(s) to have when your nervous system is under control. If not, it’ll just add to the load of pressures you already have, and make sure that you’ll never recover your nervous system to the point where you can actually enjoy life.
All the recipes for cleaning products, reusable shopping bags, researching ingredients… Please do yourself a favor and buy a paper bag the next time you forget your reusable ones, and then move on. We’re destroying this earth at record breaking speed, but it won’t help at all if you keep yourself anxious and depressed because you weren’t able to find a natural schampoo that actually works with your hair.
Take home message
- You are you’re number one priority. Listen to your own body, it knows. Find out what works for you and advocate for that.
- Ditch the identity clutter, and stick to practices that actually feels good for you.
- Create small habits that lift you up, and start working towards new goals only after you’ve consciously made a decision considering how much mental capacity and energy you have during this season of life.
