The title really says it all. Now you know, good bye!
Excuse my poor humor, but at least I got to have a chuckle for myself 🙂
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by life in general. If you aren’t able to relax when you’re at home. Something needs to be decluttered. In this post, we’ll look at what that actually means, and bring forward another perspective on decluttering that isn’t normally talked about. See, we usually think about decluttering physical stuff, but there’s so much more that we need to look at if we want to design a balanced and calm life for ourselves. Let’s get going!
I’ve always been kind of a minimalist at heart. When I was a child I liked collecting beautiful rocks, but I also understood that they needed to have a place to go in my room. I wanted that room to be clean and calm to be in, so I needed to stay within the confines of the small space that I had. The bookshelf was re-organized regularly, as was the box living underneath my bed with games and random stuff. The shelfs needed to look aesthetic (decided by a 10 year old), and the lid to the box should be able to close easily – that meant that if new things arrived, something else had to leave.
I live by the same rules now as I’m older, although I’m definitely more restrictive with what I keep and how filled the drawers should be. Less is usually better, and as you read on you’ll discover that this involves so much more than just having space in your drawers. But before we dive that deep, we’ll start by getting you hooked with the drawers.
You don’t have to be a minimalist – but you do need to declutter
If you’re reading this blog, chances are you don’t have a tremendous amount of energy to work with. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fellow spoonie, a parent, recovering from burnout, or suffering from chronic disease – you only have a set amount of energy each day, and that’s what we need to work with. The goal is to make your life so simple and streamlined that you don’t need to use your precious energy to just manage it. Because I’m sure you do want to do fun stuff for yourself too, if you just could be able to?
This is exactly what decluttering does for you. How does it sound to:
- Have less decisions to make?
- Not feel guilty over un-finished projects and expensive dust-collectors?
- Know where exactly everything lives in your home?
- Have more time to spend on your family or hobbies?
- Simplify everyday chores, like cooking and cleaning, so that they actually become enjoyable?
- Be able to be more flexible and adaptable to any surprises that the day might bring?
Sounds like a sales pitch on a TV commercial, but this is one thing that you can do totally for free with basically no preparation (apart from finding a trash bag to bring with you).
All of us have things we don’t use or need in our homes, and even downright trash that just should’ve been thrown away a long time ago. I’ll bring more attention to decluttering physical items in other posts, right now I want to focus more attention on the other aspects of life that also need regular decluttering, in order for you to live your best life.
Self-promoted responsibilities
Let’s start off with something I always talk about: You don’t have to do everything yourself!
- If you have a several people household – you share the household chores (cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc.).
- If you’re re-decorating – it’s OK to buy stuff instead of making them yourself.
- If you’re helping out elderly parents – your siblings share the load.
A opinion we often encounter (myself included), is that “if I don’t do it myself it won’t be done well“. In some situations this can actually be a valid point. More often than not, it’s not. I won’t try to force you into believing that you might be positively surprised by other people. If you’re a fellow control freak with a determined mind, you most probably won’t be. But to be able to enjoy my life and not care about every little thing that may be done wrong, I’ve chosen to be very picky with what I decide needs to be done by me, and accept that the rest will be good enough. This means writing a meal plan that your partner also can follow, setting up simple daily routines that involve the entire family, and asking for help when you want it (notice that I didn’t use the word “need“).
Decluttering responsibilities comes down to delegation (something needs to get done, but not necessarily by you), elimination (something doesn’t need to get done at all), and keeping (it’s critical that you do it yourself). We obviously want to list as little as possible in the keep-category, to save our time and energy for the most important stuff. With that in mind, let’s jump into a quick exercise to take this point from theory to practice:
Exercise
Time for some pen and paper, or open up a new Google Sheets document.
1. Brain dump all of your responsibilities into a list. No thinking, just writing whatever comes to mind. Bring everything that pops up; from feeding the dog to filing taxes.
2. Sort the items into categories (eliminate, delegate, keep). Yet again, you’re not actually doing anything yet, so skip the thinking and listen to your body’s immediate reaction to each list item. If you get stuck, move on to the next and get back later, just keep moving.
3. Take action. We don’t want this to stay as a list of potential life improvement, so for each item I want you to write down the action you’re going to take to make this happen. Make it specific, and add it to your to do list if appropriate. This step also applies to the keep-category, so write down how you’re going to make sure you do them to your standards without putting all of your life energy into any specific task.
4. Keep the list handy for a week afterward and tick things off as you take action on them. As with everything regarding personal development, it’s important that you keep track of where you’re heading and making sure you don’t drop the ball after you make some small first wins.
Identity clutter and our many fantasy selves
Now this is where it starts to get fun! Do you know how many fantasy selves you have? Being a social butterfly, arranging family get togethers, eating all homemade, zero waste, doing yoga every day, hiking…
We all have these fantasies about who we could become, and they need to be regularly decluttered, just like our physical belongings, to make space for our brains to recognize what’s truly important in our lives. Like, our real lives, not the many other lives we keep in our minds and pretend they’re actually possible. It can be hard to separate real from fantasy when you’re actually living life, so it’s important for all of us to take a good look at all of these great ideas that we have, in order to hone in on and excel in the ones that actually matter in this season of life.
To make this easier for my brain to understand, I call them projects. “Projects” encompass all of my goals in life, wether they are personal, social, academic, necessary etc. We’ll once again do an exercise to get a bird’s eye view and organize the thoughts that circle our brains. The brain dumping and organization of thoughts that we’re doing today is actually a really important step to create peace of mind for yourself. By doing this, you’ll clear up thinking space you didn’t know you had, and specifically related to your goals; you’ll be able to see faster progress with the goals (“projects”) that you decide to focus on right now.
Exercise
Open up another page in the Google Sheets document, or in your notebook.
1. Start brain dumping all the projects you have in mind. All the goals you want to reach, lifestyle choices you want to have made, hobbies you want to start, competitions you want to enter, craft projects you have planned… Everything that comes to mind! Don’t stop until the ideas stop, then come back a few hours later, then the next day.
2. Go through the list and give each project a motivation score. How motivated are you for this project, thinking one year ahead and not any longer? Rate 1-10, where 10 being the highest.
3. Are the projects realistic? Go through the list again, and for each item you’ll mark either “yes” or “no” for if the project is realistic or not to complete in the upcoming year. Make sure to differentiate between motivation and realism.
4. Are the projects important? Last run-through of the list: Mark “yes” or “no” for each item, wether or not it’s absolutely critical or not. Eating healthy might seem important, but it isn’t critical and will therefore be a “no” as most other projects on the list. Fixing a leaking roof however – that is important.
5. Separate the list to set aside the non-realistic projects for now. (Next year you can review them again and make new ratings based on what season you’re in then.) This leaves you with a list of everything that’s achievable right now, scored by how much you want to focus on it. Disregard everything that falls under a 7, except if it’s marked as important.
6. How much can you keep? You’ll probably have way more projects on the list than you’re able to focus on. Don’t mind over-simplified rules like “you can only have one major project at a time”, and instead do your best to estimate how many you can handle. They’ll all take up different amounts of mental space and energy, so try to be real with yourself and dare to be ruthless! If you need, make a list of A-projects (the few ones that you’ll focus on) and B-projects (the nice-to-have’s that you’ll move on to if the A-projects gets finished).
7. Action time! Time to take that first step toward realizing your goals. For all of your chosen A-projects and important projects that wasn’t realistic this year; write down how you’re going to take action on them to either reach the goal or create a sustainable habit out of it.
8. Keep this as a continuous list that you continue adding ideas to every time a new one pops up. This way your brain gets comfort knowing that you’ll review it someday, and will be able to let the thought go until then. This list is also handy to keep as a record of everything super important that you for some reason couldn’t do this year.
The people & environments you surround yourself with
I placed this one last because it can be a little triggering to talk about. So let’s-a go!
You probably have a feel for this decluttering thing now. You know what to do; for everything that makes you feel bad in some shape or form – it either needs to be changed or removed from your life. How do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your core values? Think about this list:
- Workplace
- The city you live in
- The route you take to work
- Friends
- Romantic partners
- Family members (no, even family members don’t get a free card for throwing you under the bus)
Despite having recently gone through burnout and am still in the beginning phase of recovering, I’m living my best life. A huge part of that comes from years of decluttering places and people. It’s not easy. It’ll never be easy. It does get easier, however, when you focus your thinking on making sure that you yourself are taken care of and get what you deserve. The intense fear of ending a relationship will always be there, that’s how we as humans are wired to survive. Think about this:
The unknown will always be scary, but what you know for sure is that you’ll always be dissatisfied (best case scenario) if you stay where you are.
I won’t give you an exercise for this one – it’s a slow burner that tastes best after several rounds of journaling and questioning. The more you practice your decluttering skills, the better you’ll get at recognizing toxic people and environments in your life that you need to take action against. That action doesn’t always have to be elimination, but the amount of fear you’ll experience before a difficult conversation will be all the same.
Finishing words
Decluttering all aspects of your life will be the toughest and most bang-for-your-buck journey you’ll ever take. It’s something that you never stop doing, and a habit that you’re going to start craving after you notice the huge shifts even the smaller decisions will make!
Start small. Always start small. I’ve outlined this post in an order that I perceive being from easiest to hardest, but that doesn’t mean that throwing away that china you never use will be easy! I’ve done this all my life and can still have a cry when I’m deciding to get rid of something that clutters up my space and mind. It’s OK to be afraid though, because you’ll soon learn what’s on the other side of afraid, and that my friend, is worth everything!